just tell him i said nine months
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
