Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
