im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
