Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
