Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
