Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
