I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
