I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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