Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
