shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
