the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
