Got a toothbrush?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
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