theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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