Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
