It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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