you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
