how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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