Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
