woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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