he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
