what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize