She's JV to your varsity
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
