toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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