I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
