yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
be right there i have to get my cape
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
