it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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