I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
