U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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