I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He passed out mid-signature
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
