A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
