I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize