I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
