my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
