Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize