it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
