i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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