I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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