i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
