When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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