The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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