please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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