who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
