I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
