Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
