Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize