Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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