I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
