I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
