Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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