I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
