So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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