Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
