there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
