Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We have started to decorate penises.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
