why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
