I'm gonna have a badass scar
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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