Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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