Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
