meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
