I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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