Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize