This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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