You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
