he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
