My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
