DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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