Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
