I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
