i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Life without a bra equals bliss.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
