Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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