Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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