So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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